Wow - sorry its been so long! As you may or may not know, I don't have internet at home so my only chance to blog is at work. And lately, things have been so busy at work I haven't had time to blog! not a whole lot of anything very exciting has gone on since the last post. I apologize in advance for this blog being completely random!
I did start reading 2 new books (I love, love, love to read!): Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela by himself. I am thoroughly enjoying both.
This part of Captivating really stuck out to me:
I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
After all, if we were better women - whatever that means - life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, not filled with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder.
Personally, I know I fit right into this category - everything is either not enough or too much; I can't do it right but if I do it the other way, its still wrong - it seems like there are way to many "catch 22's." I haven't gotten very far yet in this book but I am hoping it will teach me to be content in the way that the Lord has made me and that through that, I will be a better Christian and wife and friend, etc. This theme has been recurring a lot lately - "and all these things shall be added unto you."
I know it seems weird that I would be reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography but I have precious spot in my heart for South Africa. After going there last summer, I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I think about it constantly - I even have dreams about going back at least 2-3 times a month! It amazes me that I've had the privilege to be in some of the places that he talks about. I've seen his prison cell and stood in the courtyard where he buried this book when he first starting writing it while in prison (right where the guy is standing in the picture below).
We are doing a scavenger hunt at work - the prize is a $25 gift card to Target (I love, love, love Target too!) Hopefully my friend Paige and I can take down the other girls! I'll let you know how it turns out next time.
Summer is starting to get busy and I love it! We've got 3 trips to 3 different lakes planned in the next several weeks. I've got shorter weeks at work for some of these and I love a 4 day work week. I love it so much that I am trying to get it instituted at work. There are so, so many benefits to it - for both the employer and employee. It would be awesome if it works out b/c Troy's job is starting a 4 day work week on July 14th and I would love it if we could both have 3 day weekends! I've got chiropractor visits on Mondays, Pilates on Wednesdays and I'm trying out a yoga class with my friend Jill next week on Tuesday! Busy, busy, busy! I like being busy but I know that it's not always a good thing.
I love my Sara Barielles CD. Particularly, the song "Bottle It Up." It's a really catchy tune but I love the words too. Here's my favorite part:
Only thing I ever could need
Only one good thing worth trying to be
And it's love, love, love, love
I do it for love, love, love, love
Only gonna get, get what you give away
So give love, love
Only gonna get, get what you give away
I do it for love, love, love, love
Here's a shoutout to Deonna (The Reed Epic) & Kyle (When God Sighs): Hey guys! I hope all is well! Did you forget about your blog? It told me it was lonely b/c you haven't visited it lately. Also, let's get together this weekend! Also, don't forget about the lake next weekend! I love you guys - you two are an awesome, enthusiastic, encouraging, contagious pair!
I'm looking forward to the long weekend this week! Yay for Friday off and fireworks and swimming and good food! The fireworks, swimming and good food being assumed - if you would like help make sure they happen let me know!
I did start reading 2 new books (I love, love, love to read!): Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Long Walk to Freedom: The Autobiography of Nelson Mandela by himself. I am thoroughly enjoying both.
This part of Captivating really stuck out to me:
I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
After all, if we were better women - whatever that means - life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, not filled with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought - that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain - uncertain what it means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us - whether from a driven culture or a driven church - is try harder.
Personally, I know I fit right into this category - everything is either not enough or too much; I can't do it right but if I do it the other way, its still wrong - it seems like there are way to many "catch 22's." I haven't gotten very far yet in this book but I am hoping it will teach me to be content in the way that the Lord has made me and that through that, I will be a better Christian and wife and friend, etc. This theme has been recurring a lot lately - "and all these things shall be added unto you."
I know it seems weird that I would be reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography but I have precious spot in my heart for South Africa. After going there last summer, I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I think about it constantly - I even have dreams about going back at least 2-3 times a month! It amazes me that I've had the privilege to be in some of the places that he talks about. I've seen his prison cell and stood in the courtyard where he buried this book when he first starting writing it while in prison (right where the guy is standing in the picture below).
We are doing a scavenger hunt at work - the prize is a $25 gift card to Target (I love, love, love Target too!) Hopefully my friend Paige and I can take down the other girls! I'll let you know how it turns out next time.
Summer is starting to get busy and I love it! We've got 3 trips to 3 different lakes planned in the next several weeks. I've got shorter weeks at work for some of these and I love a 4 day work week. I love it so much that I am trying to get it instituted at work. There are so, so many benefits to it - for both the employer and employee. It would be awesome if it works out b/c Troy's job is starting a 4 day work week on July 14th and I would love it if we could both have 3 day weekends! I've got chiropractor visits on Mondays, Pilates on Wednesdays and I'm trying out a yoga class with my friend Jill next week on Tuesday! Busy, busy, busy! I like being busy but I know that it's not always a good thing.
I love my Sara Barielles CD. Particularly, the song "Bottle It Up." It's a really catchy tune but I love the words too. Here's my favorite part:
Only thing I ever could need
Only one good thing worth trying to be
And it's love, love, love, love
I do it for love, love, love, love
Only gonna get, get what you give away
So give love, love
Only gonna get, get what you give away
I do it for love, love, love, love
Here's a shoutout to Deonna (The Reed Epic) & Kyle (When God Sighs): Hey guys! I hope all is well! Did you forget about your blog? It told me it was lonely b/c you haven't visited it lately. Also, let's get together this weekend! Also, don't forget about the lake next weekend! I love you guys - you two are an awesome, enthusiastic, encouraging, contagious pair!
I'm looking forward to the long weekend this week! Yay for Friday off and fireworks and swimming and good food! The fireworks, swimming and good food being assumed - if you would like help make sure they happen let me know!
1 comments:
We will totally kick the pants off our competitors in the scavengar hunt! We're unbeatable, or at least we're trying to be! :o)
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